- Snuggle time with Gracie Belle and kisses from Presley
- A strong workout on the treadmill despite the dreariness of the day outside
- My mini steam cleaner (you don’t want to know the details – it was gross)
- Coming home to a crock pot cooked meal
- The girl scouts who came by selling cookies in the rain (how did they know that I was already out?)
It’s so hard for me to believe that His grace truly is sufficient for me. Why can’t I get that through my head? Why can’t I just have faith that everything will work out okay, that I will get to have a husband and a family? The bible is filled with stories of people trusting in God and Him following through on every dream and promise and filling them with hope when all hope was lost. I want to be like that. I want to have that unshakeable, undeniable faith; I just want to know that everything is going to be okay because every time I start to believe it, something absolutely terrible, life altering and dream crushing happens. I just don’t know how much more I can take. I think what makes this time so much worse is that I really thought I’d seen it all (silly, I know). I’ve had the family torn apart, absent, alcoholic father, the cheating boyfriend whom I was in love with, the loss of several close friends, quitting grad school and moving home . . . I just didn’t think that I would ever lose my Mizzou friends like I have or that K would turn out to be the horrible, awful person that he is. I really thought I had met the person whom I was going to spend my life with and that my friendship circles were strong, grounded in truth and love and the fact that I was so wrong about those things has pretty much torn the hope clean from my soul. I just don’t even want to try with anyone anymore. It just hurts too much.